Since deciding to chuck the traditional workforce for writing full-time, I think I've developed ADD or ADHD or whatever the hell one fits. My symptoms include an inability to keep my posterior in the chair for more than a few minutes (unless I'm playing an online game or Spider Solitaire) when I'm actually trying to, oh, you know, WRITE.
I never used to be like this: I used to be able to concentrate for hours on whatever I happened to be working on. And I used to be largely indistractable: for example, I used to do homework in front of the T.V., sometimes with music playing simultaneously, and usually with my parents fighting in the background. And in spite of missing a minimum of 36 days of school each year, I still made good grades -- 37th in a class of 250 in high school, magna cum laude in college in a 3-year accelerated program. Imagine what I might have done if I had actually applied myself!
I don't say any of this to boast; I say it with a deep mourning for what used to be. Nowadays, I have to write a few words,then get up and sweep the floor; write a few more words, then go get a drink; write a little more... you get the picture.
Oddly enough, though, I'm still making progress. At least there's that.
Interesting...I've had this happen as well...gets worse every year. In college, used to be able to research and write 10 page papers in a night or two. I once wrote a 21-page paper in one night. Interestingly, I suspect I have always been ADD, so I would frequently go do other things...I had an absolute inability to concentrate long-term, but had pretty good aim when the ability manifested itself in short bursts. Now I can't even do that.
ReplyDeleteI also frequently misspell words or use the wrong form of a word before I notice (I just wrote "noticed" there, for example), which is something I *never*, *ever* used to do before. I get very upset about it.
I actually worry about it. A lot.
Sometimes.
I know none of that helps, but at least you know that you're in good company.
I have much the same problem. I have taken Ritalin on and off as an adult, but because it increases my general nervousness, I avoided it when possible. But I had to start taking Concerta (time-release Ritalin) when I started law school, just so I could sit still long enough to get through the reading or a full lecture. I still need it to get through a productive day as a lawyer.
ReplyDeleteWriting is hardest of all -- even Concerta doesn't solve that problem. It's less of a problem when it's "just" work, but the more I care about the particular product, the worse it is. So while I can crank out the briefs for my run-of-the-mill stuff, it gets very hard for the pro bono case that I'm emotionally invested in. I'm betting that you're noticing something similar -- work and school are one thing, but your personal writing is all YOU.
God knows my ADD it's at its worst when I'm trying to write my fiction. I thought I'd have lots of that done after taking several months off before starting my job -- but it turns out that I'm even more distracted when I have plenty of time. Frustrating. I think it was that, when I was super-busy, I'd have to put down my ideas in the time I had available. But when I had all the time in the world, I wanted to make it perfect. (Damn the Perfect -- always getting in the way of the Possible.)
However, I know you -- and I know that you're an extremely organized person by nature. Perhaps it would help to impose a more rigid structure on yourself? Deadlines maybe? I know that deadlines are helpful for me -- if I HAVE to finish, it's easier to control the ADD demon and actually sit still and WRITE.
I know you've probably thought of this -- I was mostly just commiserating. :)
Love, Cyn
To both Cyn & Joseph -- I appreciate the commisseration, and I offer a bit of an apology, because I think that for me, it's mostly about discipline. Sadly, my self-discipline has gotten a bit elastic, and so I plan to take Cyn's suggestion and impose more deadlines upon myself. I've gotten lazy, and it shows.
ReplyDeleteI greatly admire both of you, however, for continuing to progress in your studies and personal writing despite how difficult it is. Props to you!