We Are Not A Number...

As I mentioned in the last post, we joined the Authonomy site sponsored by HarperCollins (a major publisher for those not in the know). It's an interesting little site wherein writers jockey to climb up a ranking list. If you reach the top 5 by the end of the month (and they have a clock ticker just to make you sweat a little harder), your book will be reviewed by an HC editor, possibly leading to a publishing deal (although they do not guarantee publishing).

The difficulty is, to climb the list, other authors on the site must "back" you. They don't have to actually read your work or comment on it; they only have to back you. Fortunately, most people are there to actually read and learn, not just claw their way up the chart. But I have some concerns about this politicking, for an honest assessment of whether our book is worth backing is hard to figure.

Still, we're doing well. We started out somewhere in the neighborhood of 7000 on 5.6.2010 and as of today (5.14.2010) we are ranked at 684. Not bad for slightly more than a week. It hasn't come easy: I read the first 1-3 chapters of dozens of books each day, commenting on each. (J is back at work full-time and just doesn't have time for the critiquing bit.) Since I'm not there as a professional editor, I stick to the positive in each work, doing my best to show support for my fellow writers' dreams.

It's hard, though, not to become obsessed with our number, whose uptick is slowing down the higher we climb. I know that it shouldn't matter that much -- we joined as a distraction, a one-off, a possibility among other possibilities. So why do I check the site constantly, why do I care if someone we backed doesn't reciprocate?

I shouldn't, but I do.

Bride update: 242 pp

What A Difference A Month Makes

All right, it hasn't made that big a difference. I still don't know about grad school, though I am planning on taking a class in the fall as a nonmatriculated student. And we still don't have an agent.

But at least I'm working on The Pirate's Bride again -- up to 233 pages now, and I can see where I'm going for the near future.

And we entered Veil in an online contest at EditFast. Not really sure what the perks are, but what the heck -- it's good to get it out there.

Which is why we also uploaded the first 3 chapters on HarperCollins' Authonomy site. You can check it out here: www.Authonomy.com/ReadBook.aspx?bookid=21096#chapter

Let's see what happens next...

How Can You Know What You Want 'Til You Get What You Want and You See If You Like It?

I am rarely affected by the Libran disease of indecision. Ask my husband: my decisiveness about just about everything occasionally goes so far as to irritate him. (Not often; my husband is sooooo laid back with me that I could probably murder someone, and he would find a way to justify it: "Well, they needed killin'." )

Just now, however, I find myself deadlocked on the question of graduate school. Do I invest the money (somewhere in the neighborhood of $40,000) and the time (1 year classroom work, 1 year practicum, graduation followed by another 1000 of supervision -- about 2 years -- before I can sit for my license)?

Fortunately, there is only one degree in which I am interested: U of R's M.S. in Marriage and Family Therapy. It's an incredible program that focuses hard on preparing its graduates to become good family therapists. It is the only graduate program I have been excited about -- with the possible exception of Univ. of Iowa's Writer's Workshop, but I was never going to live in Iowa, so I never applied.

But there are so many variables. If I get in -- and I'm aiming for Fall 2011 so that I can get things in order at home before matriculating -- I have way too many questions floating around in my head to make this an easy decision:

Is it fair to my family to burden us with more student loans?

What will it mean to my household to commit that kind of time to school, studying, working, etc.?

What will going back to school mean for our writing?

How will pursuing this degree affect my marriage?

What happens if my dad gets sick?

What if I don't like it?

Some of these questions seem silly to me even as I write them, but they keep coming up, so I know I have to answer them for myself somehow.

As for the writing... well, it's not going so well right now. I have hardly written anything in more than a month. Oh, I 've gotten a couple of paragraphs in Bride that I will likely keep, and I've been re-reading Veil and making minor tweaks to it. And I started something new called Max, but it's only 3 pages right now; I won't know if it will be viable until it's around 50 pages. So this grand dream of being paid for what I write is not working out all that great at the moment.

It's not that becoming a therapist would stop me from writing, not at all -- I cannot say it's an all-or-nothing proposition. If I could do that, I would know I shouldn't be a therapist because it is a distant second to my first love. But am I up to the challenge of trying for both?

I keep coming back to the question: Is it worth it?

I just don't know.

On Cooking and Writing

A misleading title, no doubt, though I am both writing and cooking at the moment.

Impossible! you say.

Improbable is perhaps a better word choice, I answer.

To be precise: the crockpot is cooking what I put into it. I am writing this blog.

Huh, you say. Who cares?

And then:

Whatcha cookin'?

Which just goes to show that people would rather know what you're cooking than what you're writing.

(My husband absolutely loves these kinds of leaps in logic.)

UPDATE: 210 pages after ripping out 2.5 that weren't working. A short week this week and next. Off to the big City this weekend. Should be fun.

White Noise

I hesitate to write about the anguish of writing because there is so much more important anguish in the world. Seriously, if we never publish a thing, it's not going to be the end of the universe; it won't even mean the collapse of our little universe. Dreams die hard, but their death is generally survivable.

Yet these doubts and fears are part of the process, and if I want to hold myself accountable on this journey, I suppose I need to acknowledge them. Of course, since I just had to rip out 2.5 pages, and I'm feeling kind of stuck, this may be the only writing I'm doing tonight, so there's that to account for too.

Sometimes the anxiety overwhelms the work. Sometimes the work overwhelms the anxiety. For me, the balancing act is constant, and the least upset to my state of mind can create a buzz that obscures the words. I am forever trying to find that inner peace that allows the ideas to rise through me and onto the page of their own accord. If I try to force it, it shows.

I'm not too thrilled with myself, either, when the writing doesn't go well. It tends to make me a little... snappish. Add to that ongoing and never-ending computer issues, and I often feel as if my head might explode. No matter how often I remind myself of the foolishness of getting upset over little things, I can never quite control my temper. And while the phrase "artistic temperament" has been used (by others) to excuse my outbursts, I don't want to be an arschloch to the people I care about in order to get creative. At this point, the trade-off is definitely NOT worth it.

Well... offer me a couple million for the book & movie rights, and then we'll see. :)

One Big World Full of "No"

The title on this one says it all -- not a successful week contacting people in the publishing world. But there's always this week.

Progress: The Pirate's Bride is up to page 203, which means I wrote about 8 pages last week (the average). Meet You on the Other Side is up 0 pages. That's about average too.

Not feeling all that productive this week, so far, either. Le sigh... better get my backside in some kind of gear soon.

Seriously thinking about going back to school...

The (Publishing) Empire Strikes Back

Well, no, not really... just another rejection letter. This was more of a form than usual, so that was kind of depressing. And really, the whole process is just depressing. 'Tis the season, I suppose.

Last week was a short one, with appointments & other pressures that prevented a full-out writing schedule. Even so, Bride is coming along; 195 pages now (13 pp over 2 weeks) and Meet You on the Other Side now stands at a total of 6 pages. Really struggling with that one... I hope that we can breakthrough to the next level soon where it will take off with a life of its own. It's not the story's fault; we just have to get our heads in the game.

Here's to a better week, with happier outcomes.