Bended, But Unbroken

Received the email I expected last night: we did not advance to the Semi-Finals for the Nicholl Fellowship.

Je suis desolee.

But I -- we -- will survive. It hurts, no doubt about it. I don't think we ever realize how much we are invested in something until it doesn't come to pass. I wanted this, and I try not to want very much... Except to have faith in the writing, to believe that we are good enough to do this professionally.

My faith is shaken but not lost.

Happy little planner that I am, I do not know what to do next. No doubt, however, something will come along.

Just More Questions; Different Kind

I'm not officially Catholic--or likely to become so--although as I told my husband the other day, I think I am genetically. The Irish is strong in this one, to paraphrase Darth Vader, and the long-suffering guilt of Catholicism steeps my DNA like a warm, insistent, soul-crushing lavage. Not that I'm complaining.

Or maybe I am. The phrase bucking for sainthood keeps coming to mind as I contemplate my current situation. From spontaneously agreeing to watch the neighbor's dog for the weekend to doing laundry for four adults (I volunteered) to redoing the dishes (not voluntary but necessary) to keeping the details of four lives in my head in order to organize a smoother existence (as much for me as for anyone), I sometimes wonder why I'm doing any of it. What if I didn't? What if I stopped?

I suspect it wouldn't make much difference, other than that the ensuing, low-level chaos would drive me crazy. So how can I be a saint to do it all if I'm really doing it for myself?

I'm not a saint. And I don't want to be a domestic engineer, either. I'm not even good at it--just have a look at the pile of cat hair collecting by the bookcase.

And I am tired of being called defensive; I am tired, too, of being the nag who insists people do what they know they ought to do. There are no children in my house.

I think I need to adjust my attitude... Trouble is, I don't know what sort of adjustment to make.

It's Raining in Baltimore

We got back from North Carolina Friday night after a 13 1/2-hour car ride with my dad's two cats. It would have been nice if we could have made the same time going down (just under 11 hours, with an hour of stop-time for food & bathroom breaks) as we did coming back, but Dad did more of the driving. Guess I didn't get my need for speed from him. :) More important, however: the cats were well-behaved, and so were the people. Dad and I had some good talks, which made the time go a lot faster.

Spent the weekend putting life back into some semblance of order. Shopped for a mattress set for Dad; tried to find a dress for an upcoming wedding; did laundry; planned the 2 week menu and grocery list; grocery shopped; deflated the air mattress; installed the new bed; played with the dog; settled in the cats. Busy, busy.

Still trying to get used to the new house myself. Can't find anything. Always tripping over something. Frequently trying to help someone else find/do something. Not much time to think, let alone write.

Perhaps -- to quote Adam Duritz -- I need a raincoat.

Guess Who's Back? Back Again...

Long time, no write... To tie up some loose ends: the house deal worked out. We ended up taking it, and we got the seller to pay for the carpet removal. Then we shelled out a bundle to have the floors redone (they really really needed it). Near as I can tell so far, it's all been worth it. We have a nice place, and we all (people and animals) seem to like it.

News: After a two-and-a-half year fight, my father's second wife died from complications created by larangeal cancer. William and I attended the funeral in North Carolina in late July, and Dad has begun the slow process of moving up here with us. We are enjoying his company, but we are so sorry for his loss.

Other News: We made the first cut in the Nicholl Fellowship. Out of a record-breaking 6380 entries, 321 screenplays advanced to the quarter-finals. Slide is one of them. We are very excited, and of course, hopeful that we might make it to the semi-finals. (Between 110 and 120 entries will advance)

Travel: Tomorrow I head back to North Carlina with Dad to start wrapping up the selling of his house and the moving of his stuff, not to mention bringing his 2 beautiful cats home to Rochester. I will have limited Web access for a while, but I plan to pick up this blog upon my return. I even plan to start writing again soon -- with luck, when I get back, or maybe even a little before.

Stay tuned.