What A Difference A Month Makes

All right, it hasn't made that big a difference. I still don't know about grad school, though I am planning on taking a class in the fall as a nonmatriculated student. And we still don't have an agent.

But at least I'm working on The Pirate's Bride again -- up to 233 pages now, and I can see where I'm going for the near future.

And we entered Veil in an online contest at EditFast. Not really sure what the perks are, but what the heck -- it's good to get it out there.

Which is why we also uploaded the first 3 chapters on HarperCollins' Authonomy site. You can check it out here: www.Authonomy.com/ReadBook.aspx?bookid=21096#chapter

Let's see what happens next...

How Can You Know What You Want 'Til You Get What You Want and You See If You Like It?

I am rarely affected by the Libran disease of indecision. Ask my husband: my decisiveness about just about everything occasionally goes so far as to irritate him. (Not often; my husband is sooooo laid back with me that I could probably murder someone, and he would find a way to justify it: "Well, they needed killin'." )

Just now, however, I find myself deadlocked on the question of graduate school. Do I invest the money (somewhere in the neighborhood of $40,000) and the time (1 year classroom work, 1 year practicum, graduation followed by another 1000 of supervision -- about 2 years -- before I can sit for my license)?

Fortunately, there is only one degree in which I am interested: U of R's M.S. in Marriage and Family Therapy. It's an incredible program that focuses hard on preparing its graduates to become good family therapists. It is the only graduate program I have been excited about -- with the possible exception of Univ. of Iowa's Writer's Workshop, but I was never going to live in Iowa, so I never applied.

But there are so many variables. If I get in -- and I'm aiming for Fall 2011 so that I can get things in order at home before matriculating -- I have way too many questions floating around in my head to make this an easy decision:

Is it fair to my family to burden us with more student loans?

What will it mean to my household to commit that kind of time to school, studying, working, etc.?

What will going back to school mean for our writing?

How will pursuing this degree affect my marriage?

What happens if my dad gets sick?

What if I don't like it?

Some of these questions seem silly to me even as I write them, but they keep coming up, so I know I have to answer them for myself somehow.

As for the writing... well, it's not going so well right now. I have hardly written anything in more than a month. Oh, I 've gotten a couple of paragraphs in Bride that I will likely keep, and I've been re-reading Veil and making minor tweaks to it. And I started something new called Max, but it's only 3 pages right now; I won't know if it will be viable until it's around 50 pages. So this grand dream of being paid for what I write is not working out all that great at the moment.

It's not that becoming a therapist would stop me from writing, not at all -- I cannot say it's an all-or-nothing proposition. If I could do that, I would know I shouldn't be a therapist because it is a distant second to my first love. But am I up to the challenge of trying for both?

I keep coming back to the question: Is it worth it?

I just don't know.

On Cooking and Writing

A misleading title, no doubt, though I am both writing and cooking at the moment.

Impossible! you say.

Improbable is perhaps a better word choice, I answer.

To be precise: the crockpot is cooking what I put into it. I am writing this blog.

Huh, you say. Who cares?

And then:

Whatcha cookin'?

Which just goes to show that people would rather know what you're cooking than what you're writing.

(My husband absolutely loves these kinds of leaps in logic.)

UPDATE: 210 pages after ripping out 2.5 that weren't working. A short week this week and next. Off to the big City this weekend. Should be fun.

One Big World Full of "No"

The title on this one says it all -- not a successful week contacting people in the publishing world. But there's always this week.

Progress: The Pirate's Bride is up to page 203, which means I wrote about 8 pages last week (the average). Meet You on the Other Side is up 0 pages. That's about average too.

Not feeling all that productive this week, so far, either. Le sigh... better get my backside in some kind of gear soon.

Seriously thinking about going back to school...

The (Publishing) Empire Strikes Back

Well, no, not really... just another rejection letter. This was more of a form than usual, so that was kind of depressing. And really, the whole process is just depressing. 'Tis the season, I suppose.

Last week was a short one, with appointments & other pressures that prevented a full-out writing schedule. Even so, Bride is coming along; 195 pages now (13 pp over 2 weeks) and Meet You on the Other Side now stands at a total of 6 pages. Really struggling with that one... I hope that we can breakthrough to the next level soon where it will take off with a life of its own. It's not the story's fault; we just have to get our heads in the game.

Here's to a better week, with happier outcomes.

Monday, Monday

Really, it's Tuesday very early in the morning, but for me, since I haven't been to bed yet, it's Monday still and will be until I retire around 7 AM. We're on Bobbi-time! (Which is nothing like Hammertime, I promise.)

Monday seems to have become my administrative day. I write the blog, print copies of things, email agents, and generally TCB. What's the importance of this disclosure, you ask? None, I answer. Just sayin'.

So, last week's counts are up from the week before -- always a good sign. Bride is up to 182 pages (that's 8 additional) and Meet You on the Other Side is up about 2.5 pages for a grand total of 5.25 pp. (Total writing for the week: 10.5 pages.) Wahoo! Well... it's progress, anyway.

Sent out a few more queries but no responses just yet. Got word that the 2010 Nicholl Fellowship apps have opened should we choose to enter. The organizers of the competition write the nicest emails -- informative, encouraging, well-worded. They put a good thing into the world.

Hmmm, anything else? Superbowl Sunday was great. As you might guess, my interest in football generally registers in the negative numbers, but the Saints are dear to friends of mine, so they're dear to me by extension. And some of my dearest friends came to watch with us, which made the evening better than I could have expected.

It's all good, baby. It's all good.

Pounding the (Electronic) Pavement

Quick update on The Pirate's Bride: wrote about 10 pages last week, ripped up 2 last night & today, so the page count is up to 174. Having a bit of trouble going forward, mostly because we have too much to say. This is not a bad thing; just have to get my mind organized.

Other news: had two "thanks-but-no-thanks" replies from agents since last week. At least they're quick and generally polite about responding, although one form letter/email left a lot to be desired in terms of both warmth (and more disturbingly) grammar. I think we're glad that agency wasn't interested...

Bless the Internet; it makes this process much easier. In one of our early forays in seeking representation for our screenplays, we created a form letter & inserts, including a response card. We got a lot of (no thanks) responses (not to mention one interested response that in the end we had to pass on because of the problem of retaining the book rights), but it took forever.

Now we can get kicked in the teeth daily, whenever we decide to check our email. Wahoo!

Nah, I don't mean it, not really... We wrote a good book that's worth reading. If you build it, they will come, right?

There's a Refrigerator Full of Food... Challenge Yourself!

My longtime friend Alex may recall the title of this post from some witless movie we watched one evening in the early nineties. It made us laugh then, and it makes me laugh now, but it got me thinking tonight when I sat down to write.

The Pirate's Bride is coming along, adding another 11 pages this past week -- again, not bad considering I only had 4 nights instead of 5 to work within. It's pretty good stuff, though some of it could use a massage. That will come, as will the key into the next section that is currently eluding me. Thank goodness, so far, I can count on it to work itself out in my head.

The screenplay, on the other hand, has gone nowhere. I can't quite kick myself hard enough to get to work on it, and that's troublesome since we're A) writing from scratch and B) hoping to submit for the 2010 Nicholl Fellowship competition, with a May 1st deadline.

So... do I challenge us (Jeannine and me) to buckle down, write the screenplay, edit it, workshop it in a group and complete the additional edits in only 4 months? Or do we decide not to send an entry this year? We don't want to send a rough piece -- what would be the point? But should we set the goal and do whatever it takes to achieve it, knowing that pressure sometimes produces a great piece?

It would be a serious time commitment. It would take away from Bride for sure, and no doubt from other projects. Yet it's only a few months, and we have the idea mostly fleshed out.

Decisions, decisions.

(Just Like) Starting Over

The midnight to morning shift seems to be working, although I do have to take weekends off -- it pleases my husband. Since my husband is a truly wonderful, tolerant, encouraging man who never asks for much and probably deserves much more than I give to him, I am happy to oblige him on this point. Someday I hope to keep him in the style to which he should become accustomed.

So, counting last week Sunday through Thursday, and subtracting last night (long weekend in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King), I wrote 11 pages last week for The Pirate's Bride and 3 pages for our new screenplay, See You on the Other Side. And those page counts don't include editing for both pieces. Considering that I was hoping at one point to manage 8.33 pages a month, I am happy with the bottom line. Could always be better, of course, but for right now, good enough.

On to the agents' queries... I did send one earlier this morning; first one to a book agent since, wait, lemme look it up--holy frijoles!--last April! Wow. Well, that's one good reason we haven't gotten much response; if we don't contact them, I'm pretty sure they won't contact us.

Yikes. I know we got caught up in the Nicholl Fellowship and then moving house, not to mention moving my dad up here, followed by the responses generated by the fellowship, but still... Time for me to fix my lips and get my shit together. (That's what we tell the dog when his flappy lips get rolled up against his gums...)

All right, 3:30AM break is over, time to get to work.

Once There Was a Way to Get Back Homeward

It's been awhile, with no good excuse to offer for my absence. I posted last at the end of September, then went on the combined birthday/anniversary surprise trip to Toronto that my dear husband orchestrated... and then I seemingly fell off the face of the earth. Ah, well -- one of the joys of blogging is that if you fall off the blogspot, you can always climb on again.

New year, new decade, hopefully a new attitude. Had it from a not-so-credible but I'll take it source that this could be the year to get The Long Black Veil sold. But first I have to get it back out there, preferably by the end of this month, as opportunity rarely knocks for long. So that's the plan: start contacting agents again and make the push. We'll see what happens.

Still getting trickles about our screenplay Slide, although the interest has not progressed beyond the "Can we read it?" part. It was a nice diversion through the autumn, even if nothing comes of it. Good to know that making the quarterfinals of such a prestigious competition as the Nicholl Fellowships yields some results. Yea us.

And I am back in the writing game, having traded my days for nights. I get the most done on the midnight to six a.m. shift -- in just three days, I've written 7 pages. I know, still doesn't sound like much, but 7 is more than zero. I've finished the first section, which runs about 145 pages, and begun the interlude that will tie sections one and two together. I would love to write faster, but on the plus side, I generally only have to tinker with the finished product, not rip up and start over. I appreciate any favors bestowed upon me!

So... broken arm, world tragedies, and other bad mojo aside, I am hopeful for my personal progress in 2010, and as part of that progress, I intend to contribute something beautiful to the world that was not there before.

A little belated, but still heartfelt: happy new year!

A Century of Pages

Finally passed the hundred-page mark for The Pirate's Bride; 108 pages to be exact. This milestone actually occurred a few days ago, but I wanted to make sure I planned to keep what I'd written. (It doesn't happen often, but I do sometimes scrap whole scenes, and that would have taken me back into the nineties.)

Frankly, it doesn't seem like much for ten months' work -- only about 58 pages, 'cuz I had 50 when I started. I try to take into account, however, that I also completed a major and a minor rewrite to Slide in those ten months, as well as moved 1.5 households, provided serious emotional support to my dad as he coped with his wife's terminal illness and eventual death, and laid the groundwork for several other projects.

I would really love to knock out 50 more pages before November 6. That would still only bring my average up to about 8.3 pages per month... but who's counting?

Messing About in the Garden

As I write this, I should be working on The Pirate's Bride, for which I have managed to write about six pages in the past ten days, and a whole paragraph (okay, two) today. Chalk it up to the dental hygeniest appointment this morning, and then the errands I had to run, as well as the lunch I had with my dad to celebrate his birthday. (A larger celebration is planned tomorrow; though today is the actual date, we're celebrating tomorrow night.)

Those aren't much of an excuse, though, especially when I took the time to score 237,100 on Bejewled Blitz and look at my email umpteen times this afternoon. If I could play that game professionally, I think I would --I'd at least be getting a return on my addiction. But I digress...

And that's the problem. I'm digressing a lot these days, and regressing, and procrastinating, and all kinds of other "ing"s. Perhaps the problem with being self-motivated is that when you're not, there's no one to kick you up the backside and tell you to move along.

So I'm telling myself:

MOVE ALONG!

"P" Is for Pertussis

So... I've been coughing for over four weeks now, and from my Internet research and a friend's husband (who happens to be a professional), we've deduced I have pertussis, otherwise known as whooping cough. I didn't realize that despite being immunized against it as a kid, it's still possible to get a milder form of the illness, and anyway, after 10 years or so, the immunization kinda wears off. (Makes you wonder about the other immunizations we received, doesn't it?)

It's very little comfort to know what it is, as there's really nothing I can do about it but cough until I stop coughing. Fabulous. I should be writing, getting back to The Pirate's Bride or storyboarding the next screenplay.

Or barring writing, I should be packing for the move. So far, I've packed one box. One. And that's one more than anyone else I live with. We're a motivated group, I'll tell you what.

Oh, well... it will get done. Or it won't. And this cough will go away. Or it won't.

Everything's eventual.

It's Out of My Hands (For Now)

It's official: on Friday at about 1:38 in the afternoon, we submitted Slide and our application for the Nicholl Fellowship. We feel we've submitted the best version of that screenplay that we could, and I guess that's all we can hope to do.

Now we wait. With something over 5000 applications for the Fellowship, it takes months for them all to be read, so we're not complaining. It's a great thing to know that our entry will be read at least once.

Here's the basic timeline for notification:
Quarterfinals: mid-July
Semifinals: August/September
Finals: October
Winners: November

In the meantime, back to work on The Pirate's Bride, and time to start work on our new screenplay, Come Dancing. It should keep our minds off things.

In Like A Lion...

Back after a busy week-and-a-half with much accomplished, including the Jean-Marie Memorial Garage Sale. It was huge and messy and pretty successful, and now there's a lot more room in this old house.

Lots of ideas percolating too, including the continuation of The Pirate's Bride and an idea for a memoir (thank you, Jennifer, for the original suggestion). Tentative title: The Fred & Jean Show. Mom and Dad continue to loom large within the blurry lines of fiction and nonfiction.

Let's see what happens next.

Stop Worrying Where You're Going... Move On

Finally, FINALLY getting some work done this week. It feels good.

Need to dig out Slide and get to work on that too.

One small step for me & Jeannine, one giant step for... well, me & Jeannine, I guess. Maybe you too if you like the stories we tell.

Just Pick A Direction

I've been working on The Pirate's Bride at all hours of the day and night, mostly 'cuz I can't seem to sleep normal hours.

I've also been working on the synopsis for The Long Black Veil... which is to say, I have a synopsis already, I'm just not sure it's quite right, so I'm rewriting it.

And of course, I've been working on the query letter, too. We sent one, but if we hear nothing (as we've done so far... I know, not quite a week, but I'm impatient), then I'll feel compelled to tweak it before we send the next one.

And now I'm working on the screenplay of LBV. Again, I have one written, but I made at least 50 edits so far in just the first 15 pages.

All of which is to say that I'm working, I'm just not sure I'm making an progress.

I think I might need to get out more... just maybe not at 4 AM.

Where Friendly Paths Intersect...Looks Like Home for a Time

That's Hermann Hesse paraphrased in the title of this post, just to give the author his due...

I've been thinking about home quite a bit lately. The one I came from, the one I went to, the one I have now.

The North Country haunts me; how could it not? The setting of The Long Black Veil reveals some of my ambiguity about where I grew up, though in the end, the fictional town (Ballantyne) is truly a composite of many towns small and large that institutionalize a quiet racism while pretending morality.

The setting for The Pirate's Bride is even further north, and colder, its desolation as much a part of the tale as the characters. That bleak winter landscape leaves its mark on the people who live there and who have witnessed its unique frozen beauty. It's a fascinating hell.

And though I lived there for eight endless years, it's highly unlikely that I would ever set a story in Oklahoma. I'm sure many people feel at home there, but I never did. The lessons I learned there brought me back East, though, so I am grateful for the knowledge gained.

Maybe someday I'll write about where I live now, though this place does not entirely feel like home either. Maybe I'll never have a true home, except perhaps in the pages of my stories. Or maybe home is less about place and more about a person in whom we find peace and understanding. My husband has given me that.

And maybe that's enough.

Happy Little Planner

Here is how you know when you have too much time on your hands: you start planning your Valentine's Day surprise for your significant other more than a month before the date of the overrated and largely pointless pseudo-holiday.

And it's not as if I don't have anything else to do, between painting the upstairs, going through our accumulated years of crap in the attic & basement, writing The Pirate's Bride, and trying to work up both my nerve & a good query letter for The Long Black Veil -- not to mention the usual maintenance of running a house & prepping it for an additional person/sale/or both. But I like to plan things way ahead of time.

Which reminds me -- we're throwing a costume party for our friends (and my 39th birthday) in October of 2010. Start planning your get-ups, kids -- no time like the present.

It's the End of the World As We Know It (...And I Feel Fine)

The History Channel is running a docudrama on Nostradamus and the end of the world in 2012 as predicted by repeated mentions of the Maya culture & their astronomical prowess and Nostradamus' name. Wow. Based on this show, I will not be flying anywhere in December 2012.

However, since we've got a couple years left, I guess I'll try to finish The Pirate's Bride and maybe finish painting the upstairs hallway.

At least now I have a deadline. Thanks, Nostra! (Can I call you Nostra?)